they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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