I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
