i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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