There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
