i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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