Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
