he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
