i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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