There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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