So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
