I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
