after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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