I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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