Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
