Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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