i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
