Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
