So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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