I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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