im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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