If i come over, it means nothing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
whose parrot is this?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
