there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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