Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't make out with my wife yet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
