I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
