My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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