you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Buhtt sex?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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