the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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