I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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