Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
