either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
