Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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