doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
