You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
