I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
