rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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