i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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