i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
