Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
