waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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