i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it hurts more in the daytime
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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