Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
