My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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