I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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