apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
