Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
