theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
