...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
