You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
