I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
being pregnant is like rehab
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
