I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were trust falling into bushes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
