I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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