The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
