it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is the high leading the old right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
