my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
